I'm Not Giving Up

Many times, I have had every intention of sitting down and starting my DAILY blog about my booming photography business (that I don't have yet). Many times, I have restarted. That means that I had stopped previously. Many times - in fact, every time - I have admonished myself for not trying hard enough, for not being consistent, for not "just doing it". No patience. Just a lot of trash talk.

If a student disses him or herself, I may very likely roll up a piece of paper and whack that person on the shoulder with it (slowly, while carefully watching their face - only smiling people get whacked!). If I diss myself, I take it as gospel and decide I'm worthless. Why is that?

I was a successful student. I got decent (not great) grades in high school, and did even better in college - my enormous student loan payments attest to the fact that I have three degrees - two Master's. What I suck at, so far, is starting a photography business. It's just not something I'm good at, so I chisel that "fact" in stone and give up. I took a photography class as a high school student - I didn't have time in my schedule, so my mom paid for me to take a class on weekends at the local community college. I didn't get far, though, because there was a creeper in the class and I didn't like being in the darkroom with him. What did I do? I quit, I'm sure with out telling anyone about that guy. I just gave up.

But I keep coming back to photography, and not just as a hobby - why? There must be something in it for me.